- Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer/ Whiner Caucas’ / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.” – Dale Carnegie
Some people complain about everything under the sun. We find them in our home, in our neighborhood, in our workplace or even when we go on a vacation. Sometimes these complains are genuine but what to do when we have to deal with a chronic complainer.
“The tendency to whining and complaining may be taken as the surest sign symptom of little souls and inferior intellects.” – Lord Jeffrey
A chronic complainer is a person who finds fault in everything and everyone around him/ her and makes everyone around
aware of the fault. A chronic complainer highlights the negative points in everything no matter how good the situation is. Nobody enjoys the company of a complainer/ whiner and dealing with a chronic complainer is very stressful and challenging.
“If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.”-Anthony J. D’Angelo
Have you noticed how tired and low you feel after listening to complainers long list of complains. This happens because the complainers are energy drainers our brain shutdowns and losses energy when we constant hear whining and complaints. Avoiding such people is not always possible so how to save our brain cells from melting in the presence of such negativity.
“Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.”-German Proverb
I have divided complainers in two categories: –
1. Loved ones:
It is emotionally challenging and very frustrating to deal with a loved one who starts behaving like a chronic complainer. We feel the pressure to support and sympathies the complainer and we try to make everything as pleasant as possible to stop the complaints.
“He that falls by himself never cries.” – Turkish proverb
You may try solving all the problems the complainer is talking about and you may get mentally and physically exhausted. Still it should not come as a surprise to you if the complainer keeps complaining even if everything is perfectly good because a chronic complainer can find faults in anything and everything.
Tough love is the only solution when you want a loved one to stop whining. Talk back to the complainer in firm and clear voice.
If the complainer is complaining about something not so bad say clearly and firmly; “That’s not so bad.” or “It doesn’t bother me that much.”
If the complainer is repeating complaints from past and not letting it go; say something like “Didn’t we just discuss about this an hour ago?”
When you find the complainer in a calmer mood discuss your concerns about his/ her chronic complaining habit. Help him/ her become aware of the problem. Tell how you feel about it. If the complainer cares about you in the same way you care about him/ her you will see immediate improvement in the behavior.
You may get into lots of arguments and fights as the complainer will go into a complete denial stage initially but when he/ she wants to change and ask for your help you can suggest a remedy mentioned in the book by Will Bowen; “A Complaint Free World” – ware a rubber band or thread or bracelet on one of your wrists and change it to the other wrist every time you complain. Your goal is to go 21 days without changing it from one wrist to another. If you can go 21 days without a single complaint you can get cured of becoming a chronic complainer. You will also become a positive, happy person that others love to have around.
“Complain to one who can help you.” – Yugoslavian proverb
2nd category continued in “Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer/ Whiner (Part 2)”
Leave a Comment below or by clicking “Comment” link under the Title of the Post, I Would Love to Know Your Opinion on This.
Exactly Carol; that’s what I want to say in this post. Thank you for your comment. I am glad you agree with the points I mentioned here. :). The new line you mentioned here can be very effective to stop a chronic complainer from repeating complains.
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Excellent. A variant on this technique is to say “we’ve had this conversation before…several times” in a meaningful tone, or if (God forbid) relatives phone you up not only to complain about their own problems, but their next-door neighbour’s, and how big business is ruining everything, point out that you doubt their worrying will change anything, and that they might as well take from big business whatever benefits it gives them, and ignore the rest.
Jack it takes a big person to point out to someone close that they have a problem and a bigger person to accept his own problem. I have learned a lot about you from your work and your comments on my posts and I can safely say if you have a problem it may be not be as critical as mentioned in this post and if this is about the past then let it stay there. If still you think you can help yourself and your loved ones by becoming 100% complaint free then I suggest you try the 21 days remedy mentioned in this post. I am sure you will benefit from it and it will also help you remove all the concerns about complaining and any other negative thoughts that may bother you. Give it a try and let me know how you feel about this. Do what you do best laugh and make others laugh with your cartoons :).
yamini recently posted…Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer/ Whiner (Part 2)
Yamini , who better than me can agree on this wonderful post .. when the world would say I have a habit of complaining .. world is not perfect .. i would deny and end up fighting and proving my point .. so much that I slowly lost people , everyone around me .. someone very close kept repeating .. i had this problem … until one day i did notice .. that I am a complainer .. as one of the quotes say .. if I have enough time to complain why not change it myself ..thats when I found things which others were did not do perfectly were not that easy to be done perfectly .. it was an eye opener .. to crib is weak.. first of all one should check with himself if his complain is valid and worth and if so he should first try coming up with solutions himself rather than bombarding any other person. Same is with Corruption in our society .. we all crib .. but none of us have given up on corruption ourselves 🙂
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Thank you Kajal :).
yamini recently posted…Best Money Advice – The Richest Man in Babylon.
Thank you for your comment Fayaz. Yes when a loved one starts this annoying habit it is the most difficult to deal with.
yamini recently posted…Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer/ Whiner (Part 1)
A very introspective post on complainers and whiners. It is indeed very difficult to deal with such people especially loved ones.
Fayaz Pasha recently posted…Education, Education and Education
Your comprehensive analysis of the nuances of complaints is very interesting. An unusual post with some good and original thoughts.
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