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How to Acquire The Mentality of Successful People

In my last post 5 Life Lessons from Art Of Living Happiness Program I wrote about the 5 life lessons that are taught in the 6 days course. Besides these 5 points we discussed many topics on mind and spirituality.

How to Acquire The Mentality of Successful People

How to Acquire The Mentality of Successful People

In this post I want to share about the life lesson that affected me the most. This lesson is different than the one mentioned in the last post. The class discussed a topic that helped me analyze a self-sabotaging habit I needed to change immediately.

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.” ― Jim Rohn

Whom do we hold responsible for the difficulties in our life?

If something goes wrong, whom do we blame?

If we are not reaching our target, whom do we hold accountable?

The answer to the above questions is – someone who is closest to us. Our parents or spouse. Mostly it is someone we love

It is always easier to blame someone else for our inability. Most of us instantly blame others when things do not go as per our plan. This habit of blaming others is common with people who have a Victim Mentality.

“Attack the evil that is within yourself, rather than attacking the evil that is in others.” ― Confucius

Mentality Type 1: Victim Mentality

Someone with Victim Mentality finds comfort in throwing the blame on others. It saves there mind from feeling any pressure after facing a failure or loss. This is a very addictive and harmful habit where the person enjoys pretending to be a Victim while putting a lot of stress on someone else. This creates bitterness in relationships and the blamer loses most of their energy on an unrewarding habit.

End Result–> a couple or more unhappy failures struggling together.

To know about how to deal with these kind of difficult people do read

Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer / Whiner Part 1

and

Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer / Whiner Part 2

Mentality Type 2: Culprit Mentality

The second Mentality is of those whose reaction to every failed situation is to drawn in self-pity and self-blaming. The people with this mentality feel guilty about their circumstances and consider themselves unlucky. They believe they do not deserve success and any good thing they have will be taken away from them.

End Result–> a sad person who has given up trying for any kind success and is willing to accept failure as his fate.

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

Mentality Type 3: Witness or Success Mentality

Witness or Success Mentality is only mentality that can lead us to a successful life. Being a Witness in your own life is a very practical concept that helps us face any situation or challenges.

As per this success mentality, one must observe the situation as an outsider or a witness. This helps us to understand the facts about the challenge and we get over the emotional angle that affects our decisions.

When we pretend to be an witness to the situation we can see the bigger picture and think about the challenge from multiple viewpoints. A Witness Mentality person takes responsibilities for his actions and takes charge of their dreams and goals. As they do not blame self or others, they use their whole energy towards achieving their goals.

End Result–> a determined person who is in charge of his life, who is striving to fulfil his goals, while utilising his full energy to become successful.

How to Acquire The Mentality of Successful People

Step 1: Immediately STOP the blaming habit. Do not blame self or others for any situations or failures.

Step 2: Accept the circumstances and challenges as it is and respond to them as an outsider.

Step 3: Take complete RESPONSIBILITY for any failure or goals that you desire to achieve. By taking responsibility, you keep your whole power with yourself.

Step 4: Observing as a witness advice and encourage self to achieve a goal. Keep the emotions aside and think practically how you can get what you want in the shortest time or easiest way.

Step 5: Keep reminding self by repeating affirmations as

“I am responsible for my life”
“I am responsible for my achievements”
“I am responsible for my Success”
“I am responsible for my Happiness”
“I am responsible for my Health”

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

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Quote: Dealing with Difficult People Part 2

This beautiful quote is included in the post: Dealing with Difficult People Part 2

Dealing with Difficult People Part 2

Quote: Dealing with Difficult People Part 2

The squeaking wheel doesn’t always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.

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Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer/ Whiner (Part 2)

My post on Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer/ Whiner (Part 1) talks about the challenges one has to face when a loved one is a chronic complainer. This emotionally challenging problem can be cured with tough love and some patience. I have also mentioned a simple but effective remedy to get rid of this annoying habit and turning yourself into a happy and positive person.

Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer/ Whiner (Part 2)

Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer/ Whiner (Part 2)

In Part 2 let’s see the other category of complainers:

2. Everyone else:

In this category you can put everyone other complainer you know other than the people close to your heart. In this category you can consider a complainer you work with or a neighbor or some distant relative we cannot get rid off or just a person you once met and somehow he/ she stuck with you. In short anyone you can live without.

The squeaking wheel doesn’t always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.

Dealing with this category is simple as we are not emotionally involved with them. If you have to deal with a chronic complainer in this category you need to learn to give some firm replies to him/ her.

Whenever that person starts complaining don’t just be a passive listener. Try to understand what they are talking about; perhaps you can help them find a solution by asking simple questions like; “Oh! So what are you going to do about it?” or “How are you going to solve this problem?”

. How to identify a chronic complainer?

A chronic complainer is more interested in whining about an issue than to solve it. Till now you may have been a good listener to his/ her series of complains and this is precisely why the chronic complainer chooses you to vent out the huge negative flow of constant complaining.

“Say and do something positive that will help the situation; it doesn’t take any brains to complain.” -Robert A. Cook

Especially in the work place never agree with the complains the complainer is making not even by nodding your head unless you feel the same way; as the complainer can take the liberty to inform everyone else about your agreement and support to his/ her complains.

While the complainer is going on and on like a broken record and you cannot avoid him/ her just interrupt the conversation with sentences like; “I had no idea.” Or “Things don’t look so bad.” Or “Wow; is there anything positive about it?” Or “Sounds like you completely understood the problem, so what solutions have you thought about it?”

“Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.” – Og Mandino (author of The Greatest Salesman in the World)

This will come as a complete surprise to the complainer and as the complainer is more interested in the complains he/ she will not like your replies and questions. Gradually the complainer will stop considering you as his/ her chosen listener and you will find the peace and quiet you truly deserve.

“When you consistently maintain a positive frame of mind, you’ll become known as a problem-solver rather than a complainer. People avoid complainers. They seek out problem-solvers.” – Joseph Sommerville (author of Rainmaking Presentations)

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Boys Don’t Cry and They Respect Others

Boys Don’t Cry and They Respect Others

Boys Don’t Cry and They Respect Others

I was delightfully surprised when I first saw the “Boys Don’t Cry” campaign that has uncovered a shameful truth in India. Some men behave like jerk because in a country like India boys are always treated in a very special way. Little spoiled heir of the family who is bought up to believe he is extremely special and the world has to treat him in that way.

Equality means nothing to most of the families where they have full rights to order around the daughter-in-law like an unpaid maid but the son-in-law is treated like a king. Children watch these behaviors and learn from them. Boys subconsciously place themselves as superiors to girls.

Thankfully the conditions are changing. Girls are fighting for their self worth by proving that they are not inferior. The rigid mindset of people is making it a hell of a battle. I am not saying that all men behave badly but those who do make their entire families life miserable and the blame goes to the upbringing of that particular unbearable man.

It is refreshingly delightful to see that this generation of parents are rapidly evolving out of the ‘boy is better than girl’ attitude and are busy concentrating on the child they are blessed with. They want to give the best of everything they can to this child and want to raise him or her right. I just hope that the children get the lesson of treating others with respect as in the generation before us especially some men clearly missed it.

I am going on a different topic today as I recently faced a situation that annoyed me enough to write about it and spread awareness. Working at home has given me a huge advantage of not taking the bus or local train daily and I couldn’t be more thankful. I dreaded the long commutes and would hate those ugly situations when in a bus or any other crowded public place any pervert would try to touch, grab or whatever the low life could possibly do. I hated me more than the pervert if I didn’t harshly respond to such incident.

I am a firm believer of raising your voice and making a scene in such an uncomfortable situations where the pervert pays for his action. People in the crowd or any police officer nearby can definitely help the woman if she gets over the embarrassment and just raises her voice.

After a long time I faced a similar ugly situation and what’s worse it happened in a holy place like Shirdi when I was assisting my elderly in-laws through their way out of the crowded temple after Darshan. A middle-aged man at least 20 years elder than me was standing right behind me in front of the door through which we were suppose to go out of the temple as the security guards told us to moved forward he came too close from behind when he touched me I looked behind and gave him an angry stare. He moved a bit and then again came too close now I knew he was doing it intentionally.

I moved out of the line to the side and in a very I mean very loud voice I told him to either back off and if he gets closer to me one more time I will make sure he gets handled by the police standing nearby. He was surprised and looked like he got kicked in his family jewels. He did not expect that reaction from me. His family way behind the line saw the whole deal and from the look of his wife’s face I was sure he would get the punishment he deserved.

It is absolutely ridiculous that in holy places also some people behave like pigs. I think it is because they simply cannot control their behavior. I want to share this annoying incident because I hope everyone reading this will raise their voice when such incidents happen. Police and authority figures are always happy to help just don’t keep quite. Remember if something like this happens, you are not the one who should be embarrassed or scared. Make it known to the pervert that you will not tolerate any kind of misbehavior and avoid any possible offence. I pray to make the girls fearless and reduce their tolerance level. Girls for your own sake be more spice than sugar.

7 Mind Traps That Steal Our Happiness – Trap 3. Comparison


7 Mind Traps That Steal Our Happiness – Trap 3. Comparison

7 Mind Traps That Steal Our Happiness – Trap 3. Comparison

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt

It is a smart idea to compare between two or more products before purchasing. Today with so much information available we can easily find ready customized comparisons that help us with our purchase related decisions. Yes I am saying comparison is good but only for material things.

When we start comparing ourselves and our loved ones with others then we open the whole new painful world of misery. I strongly believe comparison steals our happiness. In the first post of this series “7 Mind Traps That Steal Our Happiness – Trap 1. What Other People Think About Me?” We took an example of a mother (Scenario 2) who mistreats her son because “what others think” was very important to her. This adversely affects her relationship with her son for lifetime and she probably never figured out why she has a bad relationship with her child.

Now let’s say this son grew up into a nice young man. He does not tell his mom anything that she may not like and always shows her the rosy picture to avoid any drama. He is good with hiding his troubles as he has practiced it his whole life. The mother is very much concerned about what other think about her and her family and hence constantly keeps looking for praise worthy stories about her family to tell her friends. The burden of these stories part fact part fiction falls on the entire family as they have to act out as per the story and remember every detail so that they do not unveil the truth.

“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.” — Marcus Aurelius

Comparison mindset is very similar to “what others think” mindset. In comparison a person constantly compares his life with others or with someone specific. His or hers life’s parameters become limited to the people who are around hence that person never becomes any better than the company he keeps.

This mindset takes a deep toll on all the people emotionally close to him/ her. Everybody in the family is compared with family members of the others. Every property, asset, electronic equipments, furniture, garden, cloths and everything visible to eye is compared with the others and the others have always got it better. Even the family pet is not spared in the disturbing mind game of comparison.

Below are 4 major adverse affects of a comparison mindset:

1. Constant Stress and Unhappiness:
This person is always unhappy because he is always under some or the other peer pressure.

2. Always in Some Kind of Race:
This person feels that he needs to stay ahead of people around him or some one particular to feel superior and hence always tries to compete with others.

3. Jealousy:
The comparison mindset person envies others success and happiness as if others got something better than that means he/ she is falling behind and feels inferior.

4. Goals are Limited to Surroundings:
I know a child who always came first in his class for some reasons he had to switch schools. The first thing his father did after he settled in school was to find out who came first in that class. It was a girl; she always came first in the class and was a model student. She was great in studies and extra curriculum activities. The father proudly told me all about her then said he had an intense talk with his child. He told his kid do whatever you have to do, I’ll get you whatever you need but just make sure you score more than that girl and become the new number one student.

Did I mention this child was in 6th grade? How crazy was that father’s talk? I felt as if he was not raising a child but training a horse for some race. He limited his child’s potentials to the girl’s achievements. His child could be better than that and why compare with one what if some other kid suddenly falls in love with studies and becomes the new number one student will the kid’s priority change to doing better than this new kid now?

What kind of stress are we putting on school kids? There are millions of schools in the world and millions of number one students. How crazy can you go trying to outsmart all these number one students? Why cannot we teach kids to become thinkers and to achieve excellence in the field of his/ her interest? The only comparison we need to do is with our selves, try to break our own records and try to achieve our own goals and dreams.

Your child’s goal may be bigger than anyone in the world. He/ She may be destined to become something greater than anyone in history so why to limit the genius in your child by comparing with the people around you. The creator has made us unique for a reason. The most we can do is become the best possible version of ourselves. Comparison is for non living things that cannot think or dream if you can then please stop comparing with others and start living.

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7 Mind Traps That Steal Our Happiness – Trap 1. What Other People Think About Me?

Gossiping Ducks.
7 Mind Traps That Steal Our Happiness – Trap 1. What Other People Think About Me?foxypar4 / Foter / CC BY

Is happiness difficult to find or we keep losing it bit by bit because of our mindset. In my search to save happiness from leaking away; I found 7 major mind traps that can actually steal our happiness. To discuss each in details I think it will be a good idea to talk about one or two at a time.

Trap 1. What Other People Think About Me?

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” — Laozi

A child comes crying home from school. He runs in his mother’s arms and cries for a while. The mother tries to calm him down and asks him what the matter was. Wiping his tears he tells her that everyone in school taunts him and teases him. They all call him stupid and ugly. They make fun of him for being slow in school work.

Scenario 1: The mother consoles him that he is smart and beautiful. He should not care about his classmate’s remarks and he should completely ignore them. She promises herself to help him study harder so that he can do well in school. She understands his pain and tries to help him overcome the challenge in his early age.

Scenario 2: The mother first gets angry about situation. Then she remembers that the neighborhood children go to the same school so they might tell their parents about this. What will the neighbors think about my son? They will blame me for his failure in school. I will be labeled as a bad mother. How will I face my neighbors now? In her fit of anger she yells at the child to go study and tells him that he will not be allowed to play or watch TV till his grades get better.

One situation handled in two different ways. Will the result be different? Of course it will be. Which scenario will help the kid overcome his problem? My guess is the first scenario. The mother makes the kid comfortable gives him the most important lesson of life to not let others opinion affect him and then tries to help him solve the problem.

This kind of response will give the child confidence that he can come to his mother with any problem and she will listen, understand and suggest him what he can do. He will always share everything about his life with his mother and their relationship will become stronger.

In the second case the child will get terrified by the thought of telling his mother any of his troubles. He was already low and she made him feel worse she even punished him. He will stop sharing everything with his mother. He will only tell her what she wants to hear so he can avoid any unpleasant reaction from his mother. He will keep secrets from his mother and will find some other person who will listen about his troubles and help him overcome them. This other person can be his father, a sibling, a relative, a friend, a teacher or any other person this child finds easy to connect with as his connection with his mother will become weaker.

“The unhappiest people in this world, are those who care the most about what other people think.” — C. JoyBell C.

These scenarios were my attempt to highlight how dangerous it can be to think about others people’s onions. Why do we give others especially people who talk behind our backs so much control of our life? How does it matter what others think about us? People make such stupid mistakes trying to impress others that they completely lose focus from things that our actually important.

People will always talk and gossip about you and everyone else. No matter what you do, they will always find a way to talk about you behind your back. The day we set our mind to ignore what other people think about will be the day we will experience true freedom. Give it a try. Do something without a single thought of others opinion. Once you taste this freedom I am sure you will never ever care about what others think about you.

Dr. Wayne Dyer gives a beautiful explanation about the fear of others opinion. He says there are two things we need to think about character and reputation. One person can have many reputations as reputation is nothing but opinion of others so if 100 people know that person he will have 100 reputations as everybody will look at him in a unique way. So it really does not matter who thinks what about you as those opinions will constantly keep changing and updating.

“Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?” — Brigham Young

Character is far more important. It is what we think about ourselves. Character builds our reality. It controls our subconscious mind that controls our every action. The only opinion that matters is our own. Plus it is far easier to work on one character then hundreds of reputations. Strong character will build an amazing life.

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