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7 Mind Traps That Steal Our Happiness – Trap 1. What Other People Think About Me?

Gossiping Ducks.
7 Mind Traps That Steal Our Happiness – Trap 1. What Other People Think About Me?foxypar4 / Foter / CC BY

Is happiness difficult to find or we keep losing it bit by bit because of our mindset. In my search to save happiness from leaking away; I found 7 major mind traps that can actually steal our happiness. To discuss each in details I think it will be a good idea to talk about one or two at a time.

Trap 1. What Other People Think About Me?

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” — Laozi

A child comes crying home from school. He runs in his mother’s arms and cries for a while. The mother tries to calm him down and asks him what the matter was. Wiping his tears he tells her that everyone in school taunts him and teases him. They all call him stupid and ugly. They make fun of him for being slow in school work.

Scenario 1: The mother consoles him that he is smart and beautiful. He should not care about his classmate’s remarks and he should completely ignore them. She promises herself to help him study harder so that he can do well in school. She understands his pain and tries to help him overcome the challenge in his early age.

Scenario 2: The mother first gets angry about situation. Then she remembers that the neighborhood children go to the same school so they might tell their parents about this. What will the neighbors think about my son? They will blame me for his failure in school. I will be labeled as a bad mother. How will I face my neighbors now? In her fit of anger she yells at the child to go study and tells him that he will not be allowed to play or watch TV till his grades get better.

One situation handled in two different ways. Will the result be different? Of course it will be. Which scenario will help the kid overcome his problem? My guess is the first scenario. The mother makes the kid comfortable gives him the most important lesson of life to not let others opinion affect him and then tries to help him solve the problem.

This kind of response will give the child confidence that he can come to his mother with any problem and she will listen, understand and suggest him what he can do. He will always share everything about his life with his mother and their relationship will become stronger.

In the second case the child will get terrified by the thought of telling his mother any of his troubles. He was already low and she made him feel worse she even punished him. He will stop sharing everything with his mother. He will only tell her what she wants to hear so he can avoid any unpleasant reaction from his mother. He will keep secrets from his mother and will find some other person who will listen about his troubles and help him overcome them. This other person can be his father, a sibling, a relative, a friend, a teacher or any other person this child finds easy to connect with as his connection with his mother will become weaker.

“The unhappiest people in this world, are those who care the most about what other people think.” — C. JoyBell C.

These scenarios were my attempt to highlight how dangerous it can be to think about others people’s onions. Why do we give others especially people who talk behind our backs so much control of our life? How does it matter what others think about us? People make such stupid mistakes trying to impress others that they completely lose focus from things that our actually important.

People will always talk and gossip about you and everyone else. No matter what you do, they will always find a way to talk about you behind your back. The day we set our mind to ignore what other people think about will be the day we will experience true freedom. Give it a try. Do something without a single thought of others opinion. Once you taste this freedom I am sure you will never ever care about what others think about you.

Dr. Wayne Dyer gives a beautiful explanation about the fear of others opinion. He says there are two things we need to think about character and reputation. One person can have many reputations as reputation is nothing but opinion of others so if 100 people know that person he will have 100 reputations as everybody will look at him in a unique way. So it really does not matter who thinks what about you as those opinions will constantly keep changing and updating.

“Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?” — Brigham Young

Character is far more important. It is what we think about ourselves. Character builds our reality. It controls our subconscious mind that controls our every action. The only opinion that matters is our own. Plus it is far easier to work on one character then hundreds of reputations. Strong character will build an amazing life.

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Positive Permanent Changes – Part 1 – Understanding our Mind

Lights of ideas
Positive Permanent Changes – Part 1 – Understanding our MindSaad Faruque / Foter / CC BY-SA

Our mind is more or less like the most complicated and most advance computer ever built. In fact calling our mind a computer is an understatement but due to lack of a better word I dared to do the comparison.

Many scientists and speakers have tried to explain our mind by giving the example of an iceberg. There is a very good reason for this and that is the design of an iceberg comes very close while explaining the two parts of our mind – the conscious mind and the subconscious also known as unconscious mind.

Well our conscious mind is ever learning and ever changing as it adapts and understands the changes around us. It deals with logical explanation and thinking. When it comes to mind our conscious mind is just the tip of the iceberg. It is the only part that we can change as frequent as required. We can update or if required make changes in it easily with some minimal efforts.

On the other hand our subconscious mind is the bulkier part of the iceberg. Everything we do to live or survive is programmed in our subconscious mind. We do not have to think logically about how to breathe or eat or walk or sleep as all is taken care by our subconscious mind. Our bodily functions run on auto pilot because of our subconscious mind. Just imagine how hard our life would be if we would consciously try to breathe or talk or walk or do everything we so easily and smoothly do on autopilot; we might not survive a day.

Once our subconscious mind learns a new skill or develops a new habit it is as good as set in stone. Evolution has rewarded us with a rigid and stubborn subconscious mind.

“Our subconscious side is more interesting than the logic one because we are not subtotals to any problem at all.” — Frustiente

Our subconscious mind gets programmed in our early years with help of our parents, teachers and surroundings we learn our basics skills to live a normal life. This becomes our key foundation for our existence. In this same period we also get lots of beliefs engraved in our subconscious mind. Beliefs those are important for our family, community, nation or the entire world. I have mentioned engraved here as it is difficult to change belief that is set in our subconscious mind. These beliefs give us our identity and our personality. These beliefs shape our future as our thoughts are highly dominated by our rooted beliefs.

We can always see a lot of similarity among people’s preferences when they have common beliefs. This concept is explained in detail in great books like Think and Grow Rich, Science of Getting Rich, Richest Man in Babylon or Rich Dad Poor Dad.”

Having an immovable subconscious mind is a good idea if we are thinking about beliefs, skills and habits that are beneficial for us but what if our mind has deep settled beliefs and habits that are self sabotaging? Is it possible to change some of our beliefs or habits for good? Can we reprogrammed our stubborn subconscious mind as we want? The good news is “Yes we can.”

It is a slow process but with patience and efforts we surely can make a positive permanent change in our subconscious mind. Well this will take a whole new post so let’s talk about this in the next post “Positive Permanent Changes – Part 2 – How Our Mind Learns”

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What is the purpose of life? Why are we here?


What is the purpose of life? Why are we here?

What is the purpose of life? Why are we here?


“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” — Eleanor Roosevelt.

Did this question ever cross your mind? I am sure at least once in your life you must have taken a pause for just minutes and asked yourself “Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life?”

Was there an answer that came up from within your mind, heart or soul? If yes did it feel right? There are millions of questions regarding our purpose of life and no one but the person living that particular life can come up with the right answer.

I love movies as much as I love books and some movies just like some books get a special place in my heart as they teach me something that I was desperate to learn. “Hugo” is one of those special movies and one scene in it has made an imprint in my mind. It beautifully tells us about our purpose and our importance in world.

If you have seen “Hugo” you can easily guess the scene but for those who are yet to see this amazing movie I am happy to paste the clip here.

In the most simple words Hugo explains how everything even non living machines have a purpose and a person who has lost his/her purpose is broken. He also tells that the whole world is a big machine and as machine never comes with extra parts, we fit perfectly in the world that means we are here for a reason.

Now when we know that we are here for a reason then doesn’t it become our top most priority to find out our purpose of life?

Here is a solution to find out the purpose of your life (but this will require a lot of time and patience):

Write on a sheet of paper or in a word document a list of things that come to your mind when you ask yourself “What is my purpose?” Keep writing till you find an answer that you strongly feel about and cannot think of anything else as your purpose after that answer.

The stronger you feel about something the higher the chance that is your purpose or your role in this big divine machine we call the world.

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” — Aristotle

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Napoleon Hill’s 6 Steps to Turn Desires into Reality

Think and Grow Rich
Think and Grow RichKarmaLampoon / Foter / CC BY-NC

“Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.” — Napoleon Hill

Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” is one of those few books that you can find on the recommended list of almost every successful person. In fact some even give this book truly deserving credit for their success. Think and Grow Rich is a life transforming book. It changes the reader thinking and behavior and gives the reader a push towards success.

“Weak desires bring weak results, just as a small amount of fire brings a small amount of heat.” — Napoleon Hill

Napoleon Hill researched for 25 years and studied behavior of 500 successful people to find out the formula for success. This book was introduced in 1937 and it’s teachings is as much relevant today as it was in that time.

“An educated man is not, necessarily, one who has an abundance of general or specialized knowledge. An educated man is one who has so developed the faculties of his mind that he may acquire anything he wants, or its equivalent, without violating the rights of others.” — Napoleon Hill

Napoleon Hill is like a strict no-nonsense professor who wants all his students to thrive. This book is loaded with wisdom that we can apply in our life and become successful in any field we try. This is not some magic beans story or some baseless wishful thinking that can play with your head and emotions but a proper disciplined method of achieving great success.

“Whatever your mind can conceive, you can achieve.” — Napolean Hill

The people mentioned in this book are the most successful people in history and these principles, methods, habits or discipline are drown from their journey to achieve an extraordinary life.

Step 1: Fix in mind the exact amount of money you desire.

Step 2: Determined what you intend to give in return for the money you desire.

Step 3: Establish a definite date when you intend to possess the money you desire.

Step 4: Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire, and begin at once, whether you are ready or not to put this plan into action.

Step 5: Write out a clear, concise statement of the amount of money you intend to acquire, name the time limit for its acquisition, state what you intend to give in return for the money, and describe clearly the plan through which you intend to accumulate it.

Step 6: Read your statement aloud, twice daily, once just before bed and once after rising in the morning. As you read see and feel and believe yourself already in possession of the money.

These steps are scrutinize and approved by Thomas A. Edison who gave his seal of approval on these steps not only to acquire riches but achieve any goal.

“Your only limitation is the one you set up in your own mind!” — Napolean Hill

Are you ready to play the hand that is dealt for you?

Fan Flourish
Are you ready to play with the hand that is dealt for you?Heo2035 / Foter.com / CC BY-NC

“Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will.” — Jawaharal Nehru

Lately I have been a bit lazy with my writing and my workout even some of my housework. Most of my excuses were like; “I don’t feel like doing it now.” or “I’ll do this tomorrow.” Or “I don’t feel so good.” Or “I have a backache or my legs are killing me.” I knew I was just giving excuses and avoiding work and also feeling guilty about it but somehow I was not able to shake this feeling.

Something miraculous happened. I stumbled upon not one but two amazing videos and this was completely by accident. I did not search for these and do not recollect how I ended up watching these videos but that was exactly the medicine I needed.

So if you suffer from the same laziness syndrome. I recommend my prescription of these two videos. It will completely change the way you look at life. I always tell everyone to be thankful for everything they have and maybe it was slipping from my mind but these videos were like two tight slaps on my sluggishness. I am amazed by the amazing encouraging people in these videos I am sure there are many more like these heroes out there. I salute their courage and willpower.

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand. If I don’t seem as depressed or morose as I should be, sorry to disappoint you.” — Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)

Two statements from these videos I will never forget. These are so much meaningful now; “Where there is a will there is a way.” and “It matters how are you gonna finish. If you are gonna finish strong then you will find that strenght to get up?”

Go ahead watch these videos and let me know what you think about these. If they give you any encouragement I would love to read about it in your comments.

and

What’s your excuse? I don’t have an excuse anymore.

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Using Feelings of Pain and Pleasure to Achieve Weight Loss

Using Feelings of Pain and Pleasure to Achieve Weight Loss
Using Feelings of Pain and Pleasure to Achieve Weight LossArya Ziai / Health Photos / CC BY

You know why we do what we do?

What is our driving force or what makes us take any action?

As per Anthony Robbins– my favorite success coach and motivational speaker; there are two driving forces that control our every action.

1. The need to avoid Pain

2. The desire to gain Pleasure

Think about it. What are you doing right now? Why are you doing it? Or what is the first thing you do when you wake up? Isn’t everything we do is because of one of the two reasons or some sort of combination of both.

I am currently doing Anthony Robbins’ Personal Power program and in that he tells us to take an exercise that will help us understand the power of pain and pleasure over us. I have given an example related to weight loss but this method can be used to take any desired action or achieve any goal.

Exercise:

1. Write an action (you are not taking currently) that can make your life better –

For example – Working out regularly

2. Write pain that you associate with not taking action –

Cannot manage time or have a sore body after workout

3. Write pleasure I got not taking the action –

I sleep a little bit longer instead of getting up early and exercising or I can watch something on the television while being comfortable on my couch instead of sweating in the gym.

4. Consequences if you don’t take action in future (write this in as much detail as possible, I am writing only one consequence as an example) –

If I continue avoiding doing exercises I will create serious health issues and may even die young or worst become a burden on the people I love.

5. Gains after taking the action (you are not taking currently) (add some emotions to make it effective) –

If I exercise regularly I will look and feel good, I will become more active, healthy and live my life to the fullest. I will not be a burden but an encouraging support to the people I love. (go on as much as you can pour your heart out)

I encourage you to take this exercise. Write about your own pain or pleasure and how can you use it to take the action you want to take but for some reason are avoiding it.

Use your emotions to motivate you. There isn’t a better driving force out there than your own emotions.
Jack Canfield says emotions are energy in motion. So get charged put that energy in motion and ignite that desirable action with this very effective exercise.

    Share it with others spread the word. Encourage and help others take actions to make their life wonderful.
    Let me know what your opinion on this is. Was this useful to you? Join the Discussion or make a suggestion.

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