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Everything Is Fair In Love

We are starting year 2016 with some love and laughter.

Everything Is Fair In Love

Everything Is Fair In Love

Riya belonged to a conservative family. Her big dreams were suppressed by her narrow minded relatives and her high ambitious nature was looked as inviting trouble. Riya worked hard to move out of her town and go away from narrow minded people. Even after living in London for ten years she couldn’t overcome her fear of commitment. From a very young age Riya never had any close friends she had a phobia that if she let people get close to her heart they will start putting restriction on her. Her whole life she has just defended herself against people close to her and now when she was thousands of miles away she still felt she will become vulnerable if someone gets close to her. She was scared of being emotionally manipulated and gave most of her time to her Investment Banking career.

Riya’s life was extremely planned and organized. She was always serious and behaved formerly with everyone. Her life turned upside down when another Indian moved in her building. Gautam is a professional nature and wild life photographer and was completely opposite to her. He never planned anything and lived as per his instincts. They got to know each other as they were the only Indians in the building and soon became friends.

Riya felt very comfortable with Gautam. His carefree attitude made her feel relaxed. She never felt any restrictions around him and Gautam on the other hand loved to get Riya’s help to organize his life. They both completed each other and together they both made a strong couple. Soon the friendship blossomed into a loving relationship.

For the first time in her life Riya felt bliss. She was the happiest and was learning to become a more relaxed person. Everything was going great and then something happened that brought out Riya’s commitment issues. Gautam proposed and she felt as if her everything was happening very fast. She panicked and felt as if she is again losing her freedom. She yelled out no and ran away from him. Gautam tried to reach her but she was avoiding him. She loved him but couldn’t control her emotional condition.

Broken hearted Gautam decided to spend some time in India with his family. His family unaware of his emotions suggests him to consider an arrange marriage proposal that they were interested in. Gautam still hurt from the sudden breakup with Riya decides to marry Neha as per his family’s wish.

In London as Riya missed Gautam she started getting back to her senses. She understood she was wrong to behave in such a way with him and wanted to ask for his forgiveness. Riya got an unexpected call from India about Gautam’s wedding. She felt as if a bolt of lightning hit her. The caller informed her that his name is Rajiv and he knew about her relationship with Gautam. He also told her that if she wanted to stop the wedding he can help her.

Riya felt no fear this time she did not needed her organizer to tell her to get to on the next flight to Delhi. She instantly reached Delhi. Rajiv was waiting outside the airport for her. Gautam’s town was two hours drive away from Delhi airport. Riya never sat in an open gypsy jeep before. It was hot, sunny and the air was playing tornado torture with her hair but she didn’t care. Riya was listening to Rajiv’s plan to break up the wedding and get back with the love of her life.

As per Rajiv’s plan she did not contact Gautam and stayed in a hotel in the town. That very night Rajiv managed to get Gautam to the hotel where Riya was staying. Gautam was shocked to see Riya but then Rajiv explained how he contacted her and arranged for their meet so that Gautam can change his mind about the wedding.
Gautam was surprised and happy to see Riya again but was still hurt with her behavior and was not sure if he wanted to continue the relationship with her. Riya pleaded for his forgiveness and told him that she was scared about commitment but now when she got a glimpse of her life without him she was sure that she could not live without him.

Rajiv was happier that the couple and to end the curiosity Gautam says to him. “I am grateful to you for helping me get close to my love; but why are you helping us?” Rajiv smiles and says “Everything is fair in love.” When they both looked confused he explains further; “This is a small town and the people living here are narrow minded. Love marriage is a strict taboo. Before you accepted the marriage proposal you informed Neha about your past relationship and so she found out about Riya. That’s how I came to know about her and with help of bit of research I got in touch with her. I hoped she would say yes about coming and meeting you and I didn’t have to convince her. She came immediately and everything went as per the plan.”

“Oh so you and Neha?” Riya asked. “That’s right we are childhood sweethearts and now when you cancel the wedding. I can convince my family to ask Neha’s parents for our wedding. After this cancellation they will not think about love marriage and all. They will happily accept our relationship and we can soon get married. That’s why I always say – Everything is Fair in Love.”

Quote: Dealing with Difficult People Part 2

This beautiful quote is included in the post: Dealing with Difficult People Part 2

Dealing with Difficult People Part 2

Quote: Dealing with Difficult People Part 2

The squeaking wheel doesn’t always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.

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Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer/ Whiner (Part 2)

My post on Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer/ Whiner (Part 1) talks about the challenges one has to face when a loved one is a chronic complainer. This emotionally challenging problem can be cured with tough love and some patience. I have also mentioned a simple but effective remedy to get rid of this annoying habit and turning yourself into a happy and positive person.

Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer/ Whiner (Part 2)

Dealing with Difficult People – Complainer/ Whiner (Part 2)

In Part 2 let’s see the other category of complainers:

2. Everyone else:

In this category you can put everyone other complainer you know other than the people close to your heart. In this category you can consider a complainer you work with or a neighbor or some distant relative we cannot get rid off or just a person you once met and somehow he/ she stuck with you. In short anyone you can live without.

The squeaking wheel doesn’t always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.

Dealing with this category is simple as we are not emotionally involved with them. If you have to deal with a chronic complainer in this category you need to learn to give some firm replies to him/ her.

Whenever that person starts complaining don’t just be a passive listener. Try to understand what they are talking about; perhaps you can help them find a solution by asking simple questions like; “Oh! So what are you going to do about it?” or “How are you going to solve this problem?”

. How to identify a chronic complainer?

A chronic complainer is more interested in whining about an issue than to solve it. Till now you may have been a good listener to his/ her series of complains and this is precisely why the chronic complainer chooses you to vent out the huge negative flow of constant complaining.

“Say and do something positive that will help the situation; it doesn’t take any brains to complain.” -Robert A. Cook

Especially in the work place never agree with the complains the complainer is making not even by nodding your head unless you feel the same way; as the complainer can take the liberty to inform everyone else about your agreement and support to his/ her complains.

While the complainer is going on and on like a broken record and you cannot avoid him/ her just interrupt the conversation with sentences like; “I had no idea.” Or “Things don’t look so bad.” Or “Wow; is there anything positive about it?” Or “Sounds like you completely understood the problem, so what solutions have you thought about it?”

“Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.” – Og Mandino (author of The Greatest Salesman in the World)

This will come as a complete surprise to the complainer and as the complainer is more interested in the complains he/ she will not like your replies and questions. Gradually the complainer will stop considering you as his/ her chosen listener and you will find the peace and quiet you truly deserve.

“When you consistently maintain a positive frame of mind, you’ll become known as a problem-solver rather than a complainer. People avoid complainers. They seek out problem-solvers.” – Joseph Sommerville (author of Rainmaking Presentations)

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Being classy! – A Funny Incident Post

Being Classy

Being Classy

Few days back somebody recommended my husband a classy new restaurant famous for its Mughlai cuisine. Mumbai has a lot of restaurants that serve kebabs, biryanis and tandoories; so what made this restaurant worth mentioning was its origin. Just like the recommender and my husband this restaurant is from Kolkata.

After running four successful branches in Kolkata the restaurant’s owner decided to venture out in Mumbai. Anyone who had a slightest connection with Kolkata was pretty excited to try this new restaurant and my husband was no different. “Honey, do you know they serve biryani the way Bengalis like?” he showed excitement while taking about the new place he couldn’t wait to try. “That’s great”; I replied while imaging a pungent smell of mustard oil overpowering the taste of every spice in the biryani.

Last Saturday after an hour’s drive we reached the classy new place. A huge mob of people was waiting for their tables. I made my way through the crowd and found a restaurant staff taking care of table allotments. The exhausted man took down my name and informed me it might take more than an hour to get a table. I told him no problem and moved back to a side of the restaurants compound.

I looked at the crowd. Rich families mostly Bengali from all over Mumbai had gather there I guess they promoted this restaurant in some celebrity Durga Puja Pandal. The people standing out there with their expensive clothes, big jewellery and bigger attitude did not look happy about the situation. I noticed a takeout counter in a corner where some people were taking heavy parcels home. Near to it was a cook constantly making rolls like a street side stall in Kolkata. Looking at the response this place was getting I was happy to find a new place to dine on special occasions.

My husband entered after parking the car and tried to find me in the crowd of people waiting to get their table. I waved to him and when I got his attention I pointed out the cook making rolls and he got a couple of rolls for us to munch on while waiting. The rolls were tasty and my frustration shifted back to excitement for the famous biryani.

Finally we got a table; we ordered the biryani instantly. People who were enjoying their dinner inside showed no concern for the madness outside. They were chatting and laughing and were in no hurry. I noticed almost every table had biryani on it. These people were too classy and polished to notice the beautiful interior the restaurant had. It looked like a room in a Mughal Emperor’s palace with modern furniture. The staff was looking like they walked out of the Arabian Nights stories.

The famous biryani came and it looked colorless we assumed the meat must be below the white rice but after digging in we found just one bland boiled piece of meat. We called the waiter and he confirmed he gave us the right order. It tasted bland; it was a pile of greasy white steam rice with a piece of boiled meat no colour, no flavour and no spices. We pushed down almost half with a lot of effort and told the waiter to pack the rest of it. I looked at others eating the biryani and they looked happy with it.

Not knowing how to react we left for home with our small parcel. When we reached home we noticed a stray dog looking at us with hope. My husband asked me lifting the parcel “Are you going to eat this?” I gestured no and he gave the rest of the famous biryani to the dog. The dog swiftly started eating. We looked closely and the dog looked very happy with that food. His satisfied impression matched the rich faces I saw in the restaurant.

Looking at the dog my husband said; “May be he gets it.”

“What?” I asked. He replied, “Being classy!”

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Quote: Augustine of Hippo

This beautiful quote is included in the post: Planning a Surprise Honeymoon

Quote: Augustine of Hippo

Quote: Augustine of Hippo

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” — Augustine of Hippo

7 Mind Traps That Steal Our Happiness – Trap 3. Comparison


7 Mind Traps That Steal Our Happiness – Trap 3. Comparison

7 Mind Traps That Steal Our Happiness – Trap 3. Comparison

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt

It is a smart idea to compare between two or more products before purchasing. Today with so much information available we can easily find ready customized comparisons that help us with our purchase related decisions. Yes I am saying comparison is good but only for material things.

When we start comparing ourselves and our loved ones with others then we open the whole new painful world of misery. I strongly believe comparison steals our happiness. In the first post of this series “7 Mind Traps That Steal Our Happiness – Trap 1. What Other People Think About Me?” We took an example of a mother (Scenario 2) who mistreats her son because “what others think” was very important to her. This adversely affects her relationship with her son for lifetime and she probably never figured out why she has a bad relationship with her child.

Now let’s say this son grew up into a nice young man. He does not tell his mom anything that she may not like and always shows her the rosy picture to avoid any drama. He is good with hiding his troubles as he has practiced it his whole life. The mother is very much concerned about what other think about her and her family and hence constantly keeps looking for praise worthy stories about her family to tell her friends. The burden of these stories part fact part fiction falls on the entire family as they have to act out as per the story and remember every detail so that they do not unveil the truth.

“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.” — Marcus Aurelius

Comparison mindset is very similar to “what others think” mindset. In comparison a person constantly compares his life with others or with someone specific. His or hers life’s parameters become limited to the people who are around hence that person never becomes any better than the company he keeps.

This mindset takes a deep toll on all the people emotionally close to him/ her. Everybody in the family is compared with family members of the others. Every property, asset, electronic equipments, furniture, garden, cloths and everything visible to eye is compared with the others and the others have always got it better. Even the family pet is not spared in the disturbing mind game of comparison.

Below are 4 major adverse affects of a comparison mindset:

1. Constant Stress and Unhappiness:
This person is always unhappy because he is always under some or the other peer pressure.

2. Always in Some Kind of Race:
This person feels that he needs to stay ahead of people around him or some one particular to feel superior and hence always tries to compete with others.

3. Jealousy:
The comparison mindset person envies others success and happiness as if others got something better than that means he/ she is falling behind and feels inferior.

4. Goals are Limited to Surroundings:
I know a child who always came first in his class for some reasons he had to switch schools. The first thing his father did after he settled in school was to find out who came first in that class. It was a girl; she always came first in the class and was a model student. She was great in studies and extra curriculum activities. The father proudly told me all about her then said he had an intense talk with his child. He told his kid do whatever you have to do, I’ll get you whatever you need but just make sure you score more than that girl and become the new number one student.

Did I mention this child was in 6th grade? How crazy was that father’s talk? I felt as if he was not raising a child but training a horse for some race. He limited his child’s potentials to the girl’s achievements. His child could be better than that and why compare with one what if some other kid suddenly falls in love with studies and becomes the new number one student will the kid’s priority change to doing better than this new kid now?

What kind of stress are we putting on school kids? There are millions of schools in the world and millions of number one students. How crazy can you go trying to outsmart all these number one students? Why cannot we teach kids to become thinkers and to achieve excellence in the field of his/ her interest? The only comparison we need to do is with our selves, try to break our own records and try to achieve our own goals and dreams.

Your child’s goal may be bigger than anyone in the world. He/ She may be destined to become something greater than anyone in history so why to limit the genius in your child by comparing with the people around you. The creator has made us unique for a reason. The most we can do is become the best possible version of ourselves. Comparison is for non living things that cannot think or dream if you can then please stop comparing with others and start living.

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